The L.A. TACO Horoscope for March, 2018

Flower Power-up this month, Angels. When the sun goes resident groovy in the constellation Pisces, you can break out the rose-tinted sunnies and bell-bottoms. Get your chakras aligned on Sunset. Play some Sun Ra. Better yet, put on your sneakers and go adventuring in our great city.

After all, March might be the most beautiful month in L.A. (But don’t tell October I said that.) The days are clear and the temperature is perfect. You can’t beat our town for urban hiking; so drag the whole fam-damily out from behind their respective screens and onto local trails, where little yellow wildflowers abound. But be sure to let the sunshine in before the 22nd, when Mercury puts the retro in Retrograde and your hippy love-fest becomes a hangover. No worries though — a Blue Moon on the 31st restores good vibes right in time for April.

Is this Paradise? Why yes, yes it is.

Aries (March 21 – April 20)
Your ruling Mars gets watered down in Pisces this month, Aries. When it aligns with the Moon in that fishy corner of the zodiac on the 9th, you will still get shit done (in your typical Ram fashion) but with more emotional rescue. It’s good to go Yin when your default is Yang, so embrace this softer side of self. The warm vibes continue on the 5th and again on the 17th when charming Mercury gets lovey-dovey with Venus (again in Pisces). This aspect supports romantic love, and for once you will consider matters of the heart over your obsession with productivity. Spring is in the air! Enjoy yourself. Buy someone flowers; hell, buy yourself flowers.

Taurus (April 21 – May 21)
That big bull’s heart of yours will beat with love this March, when your ruling Venus has a two-night stand with the Moon in romantic Pisces (once on the 5th and again on the 17th). Expect poetry, sweet texts, and candlelight dinners. But come the 22nd, don’t trust your feelings anymore; Retrograde Mercury in Pisces is confusing everybody’s intuition. Even practical Taurus isn’t safe from wrong thinking and a persecution complex. Hang tight for April; it has good things in store for the Bull.

Gemini (May 22 – June 21)
A Full Moon in your Communication House on the 1st has you entering March with a strong sense of justice (or its glaring absence). Second that emotion, but be careful with words; they are just clumsy symbols after all. By the way, your ruling planet Mercury wins March; it hooks up twice with sexy Venus in Pisces (on the 5th and again on the 17th) putting big ol’ hearts in the Twins’ eyes. Say yes to Love, Gemini. Spring Fever can be fun. Reel it in on the 22nd when Mercury goes Retrograde in Pisces, upsetting your Career House and everybody else’s peace of mind. Can’t you housetrain your planet, please? He’s peeing all over the zodiac.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)
March is a big month for the Crab, with extra lunar activity. Begin and end the month with a Full Moon; first in your Income House (March 1st) where you will play the drama queen, and again in you Communication Sector (March 31st) where your attention to detail and careful use of words have you feeling like a real grownup. Two lunar conjunctions hit you midmonth: a pairing with Saturn on the 10th challenges some unreasonable expectations about marriage. And when the Moon joins Mars on the 9th in your Professional House, you feel rebellious at work. Pro tip: control your emotions or they will control you.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)
The month begins with typical Leo Brio when a Full Moon in your sign swells your pride and ego – if you kitties weren’t so cute the rest of the zodiac could never put up with you. You will feel righteous indignation at work on the 10th when Saturn gooses the Moon in your Professional Sector. Lofty idealism roars. All month long you will benefit from the Sun’s tenure in Pisces, which facilitates transformation. But come the 22nd, when Mercury goes Retrograde in that same sign, expect your imagination to get morbid. Let it go; believe it or not, it isn’t about you.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Your ruling Mercury is busy this month, Virgin. On the 5th and again on the 17th it joins sweetheart Venus in your House of Partnership. You will feel the love with a capital L. Celebrate romance and the telepathic bond of lovers. On the 22nd though, expect some drama when Mercury goes Retrograde in Pisces. You will be oversensitive, especially to the opinions of your beloved. Sorry. The month ends with a Full Moon in your sign. Indulge your obsessive attention to organizing. After all, Virgos live for Spring Cleaning.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)
The stars bring justice to the scales this month, Libra. On the 9th, lucky Jupiter sits in your sign, bestowing generosity and fairness, not to mention love. Expect romance on the 5th, and again on the 17th when Mercury kisses Venus in your House of Partnership. Pucker up. This planetary combo also favors music; so go enjoy some Mondays at the Bootleg. When Mercury goes Retrograde on the 22nd you might feel insecure in your more intimate relations. Don’t let your imagination run wild! Everything’s cool. The stars told me so. And it only gets better in April.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
March begins with good friends, Scorpion. So love your bros. Love your ladies. It’s that Full Moon in your Friendship House (March 1st) organizing the party. Your natural romantic nature goes into overdrive this month, especially on the 5th and again on the 17th, when Mercury’s tryst with Venus occurs in your Marriage House. Somebody is bound to land the scorpion one of these days; it’s the fate of every player. Don't let the good vibes falter on the 22nd when a Retrograde Mercury whispers negative ideas in your ear. Nothing is wrong in the world for you – Mercury is just jealous.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
The Archer abides in good looks and good luck this March, but what else is new? You are the embodiment of both, after all. On the 9th your ruling Jupiter goes Stationary in your House of Justice; you will get your rewards for hard work and good character. What you give away comes back tenfold, so shoot generous arrows. On the 10th Saturn joins the Moon in your sign; you will take stock of your material situation and get in touch with your ideals. You know who are; be your best self. You might feel your creativity wane at the end of the month; it’s just Mercury Retrograde however, and your good ideas will flow again in April.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
The goat enjoys a happy home-life this month, Capricorn, when a repeating Mercury/Venus Combo (March 5th and 17th) in your Domestic Quadrant brings love and peace to the family. Enjoy! Make popcorn, watch movies together, and enjoy our beautiful city. Don’t be put off by some minor crankiness on the 22nd. Retrograde Mercury can be a real buzz kill– especially when the Wi-Fi goes out and the whining begins. Luckily the weather is lovely – go play outside! Where else can you hike into the chaparral, turn around, and see a towering skyline with a backdrop of ocean? Only in the most beautiful city in America, that’s where.

Aquarius (January 21 – February 19)
Money comes; money goes this March for Aquarians. The Water Bearer sees an income boost at the beginning of the month, followed by a reversal of fortune on the 22nd when Mercury goes Retrograde. (Read on for pro tips to avoid misfortune.) Until then, feel the love in your wallet on the 5th and again on the 17th when Mercury snuggles up to Venus in your House of Personal Income. This aspect combines smarts with good vibes, and you are poised to monetize the situation like a bona fide, hustle-loving Angelino. But come the 22nd, do not loan, borrow or buy expensive gadgets while Mercury flies backward into April. Hold tight, and you will weather the money storm just fine.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
It’s your month, little fishy, and a pretty one too! Birds and butterflies are back, and the local mountains are in bloom. You will enjoy a fired up Pisces aspect on the 5th and again on the 17th when Mercury joins your ruling planet Venus in your sign. Feel extra imaginative and telepathic on those days - basically, normal you times ten. You are the love you want to see the world, so be your sweet, sappy self. When Mercury goes Retrograde in Pisces (March 22nd) your imagination will turn dark. Don’t believe everything you think and expect to be more oversensitive than usual. (I know the struggle is real; I’m a fishy too.)

Ophiuchus (November 29 – December 17).
Pay attention to your body this month, Ophiuchus. The Snake Bearer gets a physical boost this month when Mars joins the Moon in your corner of the zodiac. Expect increased mojo when Mercury joins Venus in your Vitality Quadrant (on the 5th and again on the 17th). Show off your physical strength like Arnold circa Pumping Iron, until the 22nd when Mercury goes Retrograde. You might feel your immunities drop, so do what you need to do to avoid getting sick. Take your snake oil of choice, preferably with whiskey, honey, and lemon. You will feel a little sorry for yourself, but that can feel good sometimes, especially when you are under the weather.