Twain’s ~ 12905 Ventura Blvd. Studio City, CA 91604

Twain’s is the bomb.  A “diner” doesn’t necessarily mean all the food is great.  You judge where you eat by the looks of the place and what the cook is frying up.  And it’s mostly breakfast and it’s mostly eggs, bacon, omelettes, pancakes, waffles…etc.  Twain’s has great breakfast food.  I can safely say that if you order “off” the menu…  i.e. burgers, sandwiches, fish etc. etc. you will be disappointed.  Plus they have eggbeaters and eggwhites which is what I always get.  24/7 this is probably one of the best breakfast diners in the valley.

Lucky Boy Drive-In ~ 640 S. Arroyo Pkwy ~ Pasadena

I’d heard a lot of good things about this place, but never had the chance to try it out. I’m always skeptical of hyped-up “burger stands” since they usually don’t make the best burgers in town… and I was right. The burgers at this joint are average, mediocre, so-so, just OK. However, while I was munching on my bland burger, everyone around me was smiling, laughing, and eating these huge burritos and I was like…damn I got the wrong thing again!

So, being the persistent type, I came back and got the “famous breakfast burritos,” which are served all day/night. In a word, they are amazing. These are the best breakfast burritos I’ve had in LA hands down (so far). Lots of nice touches that show they truly care about their craft, for example full on sausage links in the sausage burrito. Another standout is the veggie with avocado, and you can’t go wrong with either the bacon or chorizo burritos. These things are monsters, get ready to share these with your family. Each burrito is enough food for two people but if you are hungover, hungry, a starving artist, bored, a competitive eater, or just love breakfast burritos…take one out yourself. But don’t get the burgers, they’re a complete a waste of money.

Bob Hope Airport ~ 2627 N. Hollywood Way Burbank, CA 91505

“Bloody Mary…Bloody Mary… Aahhhh.” Remember turning off the lights and standing in front of the bathroom mirror with your eyes closed, conjuring Bloody Mary with the beady red eyes? If you’re interested in what’s wrong with you (why are you locking yourself in the restroom with the lights off), check out folklorist Janet Langlois’ 1978 essay “Mary Whales I Believe In You.” Or, try South Park, episodes “Hell On Earth 2006″ and “Bloody Mary”. Now, our gruesome friend known as the “mirror witch” is unrelated to the iconic breakfast beverage. However, if you wake up one morning to find out that you, actually, are the mirror witch, I can recommend a remedy.

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Sam’s Armenian Bakery ~ 410 Raleigh St. Glendale, CA 91205 ~818 247-6281

Mmm, mmmm. It’s breakfast time at Sam’s Armenian Bakery. If coffee and donuts just isn’t cutting your morning fog, try any number of fried sweet breads and meat filled pastries fresh from Sam’s kitchen. Ask, and the baker will tell you what’s inside each of these treats waiting to meet you. I chose one filled with potato. The baker responded to my wide eyed curiosity by offering me Armenian pizza. “What’s that?” “It’s good- you’ll like it.” Hey, that’s an offer I can’t refuse!

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1433 Hermosa Ave. Hermosa Beach, CA 90254 ~ (310) 376-8909 (TACO Guide)

Loving all foods Mexican and possessing an unholy appetite for the incredible, edible egg, you can bet your bottom dollar that I love me some breakfast burritos. I also enjoy my breakfast most when surrounded by the biggest cast of sketchballs assembled since the last AVN Convention. I don’t feel truly at home in a neighborhood breakfast joint unless eyes and teeth are a high-luxury for its regulars.

Waking from one haze or another on a TACO floor recently, my stumbling down the blocks of Manhattan Beach drew attention to my ragged state as if I were a walking off-track betting center, pushing me closer towards refuge. I used to find my way into Manhattan Bee-atch’s Kofee Kart on similar confused findings-of-myself-in-the-north-South Bay, their old school waitresses making all my Alice fantasties come finally true. But then they showed an allegiance to Fox News I found unappetizing. Also, for a place named after the mud, my cup seemed to reach and remain at bottom too much.

My new home for the most important meal of the day in the Tri-Pier cities is 15th Street Burger in neighboring Hermosa Beach, where cheap eats are endangered. They have everything on their gargantuan menu from an impressive selection of renowned small and large burgers done in creative styles to teriyaki, sandwiches, tacos, and mucho mas. I grabbed a steak and egg burrito for my host and a turkey and avocado burrito for my big ass, aguacate being another obsession.

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La Gran Via Bakery: “Monarca de los Cakes” ~ 4461 Lennox Blvd. ~ Inglewood, CA 90304~ (310)674-0654

Rise and shine, from Cuba to you, La Gran Via is Inglewood’s great crown champ of all things sweet and savory. Wake up and smell the croquetas de jamón, empanadas, bocaditos, papas rellenas and brazo gitano. If breakfast meats tickle your fancy, behold the choice offerings of lightly fried tasties in the counter top “easy bake”. Lose yourself in the kaleidoscopic array of fresh baked sweet breads and cookies. What are those cone shaped honeydripper treats? What smells so good? I’ll be damned- is that Ronald Reagan!
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6005 W. Pico Blvd. (@ Crescent Heights) ~ Los Angeles, CA 90035 (TACO Guide)

There’s something sleazily sexy about this joint, which earns its local title through embodying our municipality and a trace of its modern culture through a dope neon sign, a tiny little pink facade, and cheap, satisfying fare for the lost angels of Pico-Fairfax. Like a glittering strip-club in an industrial stretch of town or a bare bones strip-mall sushi counter in Gardena, L.A. Burger’s promise of tawdry excess, tempting exposure shrouded in outer beauty, plus homebred talent leaks from the So-Cal soul of this structure featured frequently in films and supermodel photo shoots. Still, like so many mirages under the Hollywood sign, when I go there, I usually get a dude with a cool mustache or some hard-working homie on his lunch break sitting next to me, not Leticia Casta, lucky for her ass.

Things work pretty quickly and easily at L.A. Burger, but does this burger live up to the “Best Burger in L.A.” boast found on its banner, and can L.A. Burger’s burger really rep for our sprawling city, earning said moniker rightly on the basis of buns and beef? Upon my first two tries of L.A. Burger’s burger, I was not overly impressed with how it backs up its big mouth. Though yards tastier than the slightly below average burger over at Santa Monica’s Hamburger Haven, which busts similar braggadocio of better burgers, it can’t compete with In N’ Out or 25 Degrees, among other burger brothers ‘pon the scene. Onion rings and fries were even less interesting and the coffee blows too.

After a couple tries of this spot’s namesake entree, I narrowed my first problem towards the increasing trend of burgers coming with their toppings on the bottom, a backward trend found at many citywide burger spots these days. They are called ‘toppings’ for a very specific reason, and it just doesn’t feel right, like the time my ex-girl had me try submission for a change. My second beef is with the beef; it was overcooked, but not hard just a tad crisp, not juicy enough, no love or care put in there. Though it was still more scrut than fast-food, it was not even balanced out by anything stellar in its prep, with an execution nearly as fucked-up as Barzan Ibrahim al-Tikriti’s (rimshot please!). But the burger overall with enough jazz on it, was good tasting, nicely over medium-sized and satisfying, plus convenient and cheap enough for a repeat try or two, just not a significant contribution to the annals of Angeleno burgers as of yet.

In time I started hitting this mutherfucker up for breakfast to satisfy my uncontrollable hunger for chicken ovum. With neighborhood hang Nick’s massive omelets across the street and Petit Sara’s more boughie, expensive, and precious preparations next door, L.A. Burger’s large, buttery masses of harder egg pies, lined above with avocado, flecked with tomato, onion and cheese, and lightly crusted on top, with a little pile of ‘taters, and a side of buttered wheat toast, make the best stick-to-my-ribs-all-day alternative for a fella constantly waiting for checks that are supposedly “in the mail.”

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1021 S. Pacific Coast Highway ~ 310-540-5141~ Redondo Beach, CA 90277 (TACO Map)

Redondo is where you find Phanny’s kitchen, which was established in 1982. These people do plenty right, but are especially regarded for cooking up fantastic breakfast burritos, such as the original egg & ham/bacon/sausage special which combines said basic ingredients with potatoes, herbs, salsa sabrosa, and queso. I think the key to the dramatic flavors lies in the herb action skillfully infused into the grilled potatoes, enhancing the papas con un sabor especial that will tingle your buds of taste. Your stomach says the rest– full and completely satisfied.

Steve, pictured below right with Jose, owns and operates Phanny’s with his kind crew. Steve is originally from Thailand. See the Buddha in the back if you need proof. Hi, Steve…

Phanny’s is located on the corner of PCH and Avenue C, a quick flight from the beach esplanade of Redondo, just ambling distance from early morning surf. We love Phanny’s because however you get here, by bike, foot, skate, or car, you are welcomed into a friendly place which always delivers tasty eats. Arcade games, magazines galore, newspaper boxes outside on the sidewalk, sunlight all day. Breakfast, lunch, dinner and, as the to-go menu says, “The healthiest Fast Food in Town.” Sorry, Steve, adopt us or we’re never leaving!

8536 W. Pico Blvd. @ La Cienega Blvd. ~ Mid-City

Nick’s is an amazing coffee shop reminding us of those greasy spoon Greek diners you see out in Queens or which once populated SoCal’s Route 66 (which includes Santa Monica Blvd.). This mean they have a menu about as long as the Bible, with a helluva lot more room for interpretation and personal choice. Pages and pages of egg dishes, burgers, sandwiches and desserts. Covered in pictures of friends and actors no one’s ever heard of, it is a classic in more than just its traditional diner digs.

The love story behind Nick’s, which was established in 1946, is beauitful and heart-breaking. Kathy Love was a waitress there in the 70′s and mid-90;s before succumbing to cancer. Having always wanted to own her own restaurant, Kathy’s husband Alan cashed out his IRA in 1997 to buy Nick’s out of bankruptcy as a gift to her, saying “Honey, YOU are my IRA.” Kathy ran Nick’s as a neighborhood refuge for 7 years (even giving meals away on occasion) and her death brought an outpouring of sympathy and love from armies of neighbors. They even made her a 100 page book of prayers and memories that she slept with under her pillow. Kathy is remembered fondly by many and honored throughout Nick’s, including her picture by the register and a stained-glass window on the doorway that proclaims the place Kathy’s.

Nick’s has it all, but we went there for breakfast, ordering a bevy of omlettes from the “create-your-own” to the machaca omlette and the Kaline Special. The coffee service left a tiny bit to be desired but was decent enough in taste, and the service much more than personable from servers who have been there for an eternity…(CONTINUED BELOW)

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Madame Matisse ~ 3536 W Sunset Blvd.~Silverlake~90026 (323) 662-4862

Ever since reading Klaus Kinski’s depraved auto-biography, we’ve had an obsession with the incredible, edible egg. They make their way onto our plate about three times a week and whenever we cross into an ethnic eatery serving egg atop anything we head straight for the ovum like we bore a squiggly tail (like when we spotted Kachapouri, a type of egg-topped Georgian/Russian pizza at Big Mama’s and Papa’s Pizzeria in Downtown).

One recent bleary-eyed and regretful Sunday morning at cornerside Madame Matisse in Silverlake, we skipped the french toast with orange syrup, Belgian waffles, flat iron steak, and broiled salmon (albethem both served with eggs) and dove straight into the omelettes. Madame Matisse cooks up a good one as tasted in their “famous” Omlette Normandie, a fiendish egg-xample of henapple egg-stasy chock-full of shrimp, brie, and bell pepper under a layer of salsa. Eggs dominate much of the brunch menu, in rancheros and benedict stylees and the like.

Total control freaks that we are, Create Your Own Omelette seemed the best option, since one can get as many items as they please at no extra cost ($7.95). We threw goat cheese, onion, bell pepper, spinach, mushroom, and avocado into our mix with about 43 cups of coffee.

Normally omlettes come with stringy flecks of what you desire found inside, but Madame Matisse’s appear as though the ingredients were thrown into a sizzling pan by a 15-year old with the munchies, with three eggs cooked around them and rolled into a burrito-shaped Bob Marley joint. Our giant chunks of veggies keep thier crunch and flavor among vast pools of cheese landmining the soft eggs in a massive mash of grilled and pan-fried pleasure. Ingredients were everywhere; bursting through the skin of the egg, arriving as big as one’s lower arm practically, delivered fast, and with no limit to the savory surprises in each new bite.

Madame Matisse is a small, bare-bones boho cafe which serves well-regarded lunches and dinners as well. It is a cute enough place with a great brunch, but the streetside dining is double-edged, as the traffic on Sunset passing you by can be a bummer. Still, for this level of eggstravaganza, we’ll be back.